You are so Determined, Quiet Man

OK. I don't get it, I just don't.

I had a post written about this nonsense, but it was just TOO LONG, so I am going to post some highlights of ridiculousness that is now a determined part of my life, known as QUIET MAN.

I went to a party and who walks in? Fred, Quiet Man and two other friends.

Fred ends up calling me over and introduces me to his buddy, Berman. I was not interested in Berman the fabric importer, who apparently is always in Kuwait and "Muse, you would never know you were in Kuwait if you went to the mall there because you would think you are in the U.S.A. !" Thanks Berman for the information.

Quiet Man was staring at me through the bodies in the crowd. When I was talking to Berman, Quiet Man decides to squish by, stares at me and says hello to me. I replied hello, snottily, while fighting back the damned ass attraction that exists between he and I by steadfastly keeping the conversation with Berman flowing.

After I met the third boy in the group, Ricky, who was also trying to entertain me while we were all holding up the bar, Quiet Man decides to do something he never really did before. He stayed and actually socially interacted with me and his two buddies, Berman and Ricky. He did this, I believe, because those two showed an interest in me. Quiet Man was craking jokes, drinking and could NOT stop touching me, grabbing me, kissing my hands and even at one point got down on his knees to my feet-I can't recall right now why.

Of course, I did not outwardly react, but what I was unable to do was stop the welling of lust when he touched me. I am going to go to hell. The problem is at times, it pounds itself at an alarming rate that I can't even look at him for fear of what I may look like, looking at him-thinking all those things I think about him.

When he reached around to hold onto my waist, I was of course, still as a frightened doe, not wanting to move, but my mind was racing with thought of lunging into his arms, or that he would swing me towards him, pressing me tightly to him and kissing me. That was what I was thinking while I "ignored" his touch throughout the night.

I was unable to rationalize his determination to be near me and touch me.

This problem heightened itself when Quiet Man, pushed himself towards me, to FIX MY DAMNED HAIR, near my face. He did it as if we were long time and ardent lovers-the way he reached towards the side of my face with his fingers to push some loose strands back to the rest of the mop I call hair, behind my shoulder. He was smiling at me while he was doing it as if it were only he and I. When he arranged the strands of hair, he moved back, looking at me, as if to see the results of his handiwork.

In between all the touching, grabbing and kissing, he tells Berman a story about his wife being so good to marry him and that he loves his wife. Berman was apparently dumbfounded and really had nothing to say in return. Berman and Ricky were pretty much like deer in the headlights when not laughing at all the pot shots I was dishing out to Quiet Man to try and detract from his behavior with me.

Once when he grabbed my hand, and I was pulling it away, Ricky chimed in and scolded him that did he not notice that Muse was pulling away from him? Does he not know, using my hand as a demonstration, that to hold my hand, it includes my willingness to keep my hand in his? Quiet Man let him finish and then grabbed my hand back with both of his and kissed the back of my hand.

Quiet Man also chided Ricky at one point in the conversation that he needs to stop talking about cigars with me since that is an inappropriate topic. He should talk to me about better things such as world events or romance. I had to tell Quiet Man that I was the one who expanded on the cigar conversation since I was telling a story about cigar smoking with my ex BF. Quiet Man then made a comment about why was I thinking about ex BF's? I should have said for the same reason, you ARE MARRIED!

Quiet Man also informed Ricky and Berman about all of my virtues-how smart I am ( but threw in he would not say brilliant-WTF?), beautiful, honest, wonderful, how he loved my mother, my brother and had to stop himself from loving the rest of my family because he does not know who they are.

Quiet Man also had to make a point with Berman about how, even though Berman is Fred's best friend, and as proof Berman had on some string on his wrist from Fred's wife, that Quiet Man was his blood, his brother, even though they are not related, and then Quiet Man had to pull out of his wallet a red string he kept in a paper that Fred gave him.

Quiet Man also had to inform Berman about Tigo from the night where I was ''attacked'' by the woman who was propositioning Fred for sex but he turned her down, that Tigo (I guess Berman knew him as well), with his WIFE PRESENT, took one look at Muse and was hitting on her and his eyes were bulging out of his head when he looked at her. AS IF QUIET MAN WAS NOT WORSE THAN TIGO.

Quiet Man was asking Ricky to cook a meal that we could all attend, along with my mother and brother. I was like WTF is he thinking? I made a remark about, yeah invite my family, because Quiet Man, that is your little insurance policy from your true intentions, isn't it? Quite Man's logic was that Ricky was a fantastic cook.

We talked about diamonds for some reason. Quiet Man is looking down at me and keeps asking, what is a man's jewelry? A beautiful woman, I answered dryly to shut him up, and he starts to laugh at my "cleverness". I guess he does poorly with subtlety.

I mean we were all laughing and laughing and actually having fun, mainly because I was just letting him basically do what he wanted and ignored it, just so it would not get serious and then heated.

I also had to deal with Fred and his new match making role, which I think he had all along, starting with Quiet Man.

As I was talking to Berman, Fred asks me what I thought of the man he introduced me to at his party. OMG, as if that was not embarassing enough, I had to answer him. I told him the guy was "OK"-he did not really get it, so I told him, listen, I am not really looking and have been batting a thousand by constantly meeting married men, like HIM I said, pointing out the window to Quiet Man who was on one of his numerous chain smoking breaks. So Fred turns around and points to Berman and said, he's not married. Great. There was Berman smiling from ear to ear.

Poor Berman, had asked for my number, so I gave him my business card. I did not want to be mean, but I sure as hell did not want to lead him on; Ricky piped up and wanted a card as well. I did not have anymore. Quiet Man tells Ricky, he will give him one, and I commented, yes, because you have so many of my cards in your little stack in your office. So Ricky is told by Quiet Man, that since I, Muse, gave him permission to give him my card, he would, tomorrow.

I left that night without saying goodbye to Quiet Man, leaving when he went to see Fred for a second, but I did say goodbye to Berman and Ricky.

There is a cocktail party next week, thrown by a mutual friend, that they told me they were going to attend. I told them I was not sure if I was going because it was only for an hour and a half. Quiet Man tells me, he will be able to figure out something to so after that.

I spoke to Fred tonight to find out the exact day for the cocktail party since I threw out the invitation by mistake. He told me he had to go to another party after the cocktail event. So that, well at this point, solidifies I should not even leave my house, for fear of going to hell for attending a cocktail party for 1.5 hours, only for the object of why I was going, had to go somewhere else afterwards. If Fred had party number two to attend, all three, Quiet Man, Ricky and Berman would have to go as well. And, that being that, its a good thing, to avoid hell.

I have NEVER ever found myself in this position. Being so attracted to a man who I thought was single for months and months and months, and not being able to be un-attracted after I find out he is married. I don't think I would ever have an affair with him, because I don't believe in that, but I am finding out, that when it's in your face, and not having met anyone in my life that I have had such a magnetic and strong sexual attraction, that is why I hope I won't be going to hell, for doing something I have no business doing.

I cannot not avoid him very well, since my family does not know why I need to avoid him and they never will from me. So, I have to act nonchalant and deal with him when our paths cross.

But at that last party, I was shocked at my reaction to his interaction with me. The feeling of unadulterated lust that I had felt the day I went to see him at his office, was intensified and underscored.

I believe Ricky and Berman saw the attraction existed between us, but maybe not since Berman asked for my phone number, so I hope that I was unscathed, but I don't think Quiet Man will be able to deny his actions to them. Well, he could, because he is a man, but I don't think he is really like that-a womanizer. I think he is immensely attracted to me and probably has a hard time dealing with it and the demons that visit him, being married and all.

Fred is at heart a sweetheart. I should appreciate his concern for wanting to play match maker with me. But then again once Quiet Man said Fred likes me, but I don't really think so. And Fred speaks highly of Quiet Man and it's true that he is a good, good person.

Oh, these adult issues I have thus far completely avoided in my life have now arrived. It sucks.