Sunday, March 25, 2007


I read a post the other day on LegalEagle's blog-which is by the way very funny-I think it was a "dear so and so" letter-a good style of writing.

Well the post was about Walmart and a woman breast feeding her kid who was still in the cart seat-whips it out and then the kid latches on after it hung and swung for the kid to get-the whole thing is sick to begin with, which brings me to relate my own Walmart story of today.

Walmart. Sometimes I wonder if it is really worth it to even go there. At my local Walmart, they now have the Greeter back-do I have to be annoyed from the get go before I even get into the damned store? I am just trying to stay away from the riff raff that is also trying to get into the place.

It was crowded today-screaming kids- I mean screaming-this one little girl with parents who where not only floppy fat, but who let her scream all over the store-the husband was holding her but since he was smaller than his wife [that gargantuan] I figured he did not wear the pants in that family.

You could not get into any aisle without some idiot with a cart rushing in the other end. I kept "bumping" into a white trash mother with her daughter whose stomach was proudly falling over the waistband of her denim mini while wearing black stockings and the ugliest 1970's styled backless shoes with a thick heel. The gross part was when she walked, you saw that one of her heels was so filthy, it showed right through the black stocking. I guess that was her going out to Walmart outfit.

Also I have to deal with the snooties-you know those fugly prunes roaming around with their noses up in the air and their Mercedes shoved in between two Neons in the parking lot. When they show up, they expect you to immediately move-yeah right. I just plant myself idly looking at crap I would never buy so not to cow tow to them, even when they squat and reach over the front of my calves to pull something out. During these times, do you think the white trash come in the aisle? No. No where to be found when you need them.

So there you have it- Walmart; but today was a day that took the cake. I was at the check out with the crap it took me 1.5 hours to find and with an oriental checker who could barely, and I mean barely speak English, when she starts to freak out-holding her shirt over her nose.

I was like WTF-my batteries rang up wrong, I tell her, and she sticks her nose in her shirt and her eyes are wide as saucers?

She begins to point-and I see above me, coming from the back of the store, this smoke like mist coming fast towards the front. I don't smell fire, but the oriental checker is now screaming she is going to leave her register while furiously smashing her call button-the only time I understood her was when he yelled out she was not going to breath in that poison.

I was pissed. I was now faced with not even being able to buy the crap I wanted. I was gauging how fast the smoky mist was moving while like an idiot breathing deeply to see if I smelled anything. By this time, the oriental checker was out of there. I leaned up on the check out bag rotary; by this time the air above me was filling in with that white stuff that really did not smell.

Figuring I was not going to check out because someone came to the register to cancel my sale, I walked out of the store. A few minutes later, the firemen came.

Gossip at the front had it that a fire extinguisher was dropped and went off. HA! It must have been like 20 because that huge store was filled pretty quickly.

I am now just waiting for my body's reaction to whatever I breathed to kick in because I would then, thanks to Walmart, be calling LegalEagle and not ever be shopping there again.........


ShadowFalcon said...

No Walmart here so I can join you in that

Diesel said...

I believe we're supposed to say "Asian" these days.

Legaleagle said...

You see! If it weren't so damn cheap and open 24 hours a day, everyone would boycot. And why is it all the wierdos are there at 11:30 pm? Thanks for the reference, I'm glad I could inspire!

Gucci Muse said...

shadow-good thing you are spared!

diesel-I use Oriental instead of Asian since Asia also includes India, because I refer to those from the Orient.

legal-ain't that the truth sister! Anywhere else the same stuff costs lots more, if it did not I would not go to Walmart-but the price difference is significant.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Walmart is the Anti-Christ. I've had my shopping cart stolen. I've stepped in sticky shit. I've gotten stuck behind morons paying with $30 worth of pennies. I could go on and on.

Gucci Muse said...

Dyck-I am with you on this one-I could go on and on about why I continue to go when the place makes me want to scream.

Legaleagle said...

Wal-Mart IS the Anti-Crist (they both have a hyphen, concidence, I think not)! But it's just so hard to avoid. I think that Wal-Mart owns the half of the world that isn't owned by Bill Gates...

The Stiltwalker said...

y'all don't listen. I told you to stop shopping st Suckmart.

hyacinths and biscuits said...

HA! Walmart is nuts. and "floppy fat" is a perfect phrase.

I know it's a horrible place and a soul-sucking corporation, but sometimes a girl needs lightbulbs and underwear at 2:37am and there's nowhere else to go.

Gucci Muse said...

Stiltwalker- yeah no kidding!

Hyacinths-yeah, there is another super walmart close by and I stopped going there-I tried going when it was less crowded around 12 am and the like, and though less people, I was like WTF and I doing here at this ungodly hour? So I stopped that crap pronto- I was too tired, which was the real reason...... I wish it was uncrowed at 12 pm.